Baby Jackson's Story update:Salt Lake Tribune

Would-be Utah dad says misplaced trust cost him his son
Adoption • Law says fraud by mother doesn’t excuse a father’s failure to protect himself.
By Brooke Adams
The Salt Lake TribunePublished: December 27, 2011 11:29AMUpdated: December 27, 2011 03:51PM
Leah Hogsten The Salt Lake Tribune Jake Strickland of South Jordan stands in what was to be his son's nursery, designed by his mother Jennifer Graham. He is waging a legal battle to get custody of his son, born Dec. 29, 2010 and placed for adoption a day later.
As they toured the holiday lights at Temple Square last December, Jake Strickland and Whitney Pettersson looked like just another happy, expectant couple.
Their baby was due in less than two weeks, and although not married or even in a relationship any longer, they’d decided to raise the child together. Or so Strickland thought.
A year later, Strickland is embroiled in a desperate, and so far unsuccessful, legal battle to gain custody of his child, born just a day after that visit to Temple Square and swiftly placed with adoptive parents. Strickland is among dozens of men who’ve waged similar fights in Utah, which arguably has the nation’s strictest laws governing unwed father’s rights.
Among several miscalculations on Strickland’s part, he admits this may have been the biggest one: He trusted Pettersson.
Read other parts of this series:
Dec. 25: Stopping an adoption: In Utah, fathers rarely win • http://bit.ly/uT51Tc
Dec. 26: Utah adoption law: model for nation or unjust burden? • http://bit.ly/vFuYQ8
The two met in 2009 at a South Jordan restaurant where they both worked. Pettersson openly discussed her rocky marriage and then announced she had divorced, said Strickland, 24. They began dating last January. Three months later, Pettersson sent Strickland a text message: “I’m pregnant.”
Pettersson, who also has a daughter, was distraught, Strickland said, but he reassured her they’d figure it out together.
Two weeks later, Strickland left for a temporary job in Texas, where he hoped to make enough money to pay off debt and build up a baby fund. During the months he was away, Pettersson twice tried to end the relationship, expressing doubt he’d stick around. Strickland says he constantly reassured her of his intention to be a dad. Meanwhile, she built ties with his family, attending a baby shower and a birthday party.
But the pair’s relationship had run its course by August, when Strickland returned to Utah. Even so, the two continued to meet for lunch several times a week. It was at one of those meetings that Strickland pressed Pettersson about where she stood on adoption and mentioned he might sign with Utah’s putative father registry.
Pettersson became furious and threatened to not let him see his baby, he said, and “told me straight up I didn’t need to and it would be a waste of money, and I stupidly believed her.”
Strickland was reluctant to spend nearly $3,500 to hire an attorney to handle filings when there was a baby on the way. So he did nothing legally to protect his parental rights.
Attorney David J. Hardy, who represents Pettersson, declined a request seeking comment for this story. But in remarks not specifically about the Strickland case, attorney David M. McConkie explained Utah’s law puts the onus on fathers to protect their own rights. In fact, Utah law says fraud on the mother’s part does not excuse a father’s failure to protect himself, said McConkie, who helped draft the law.
“Don’t expect the mother to be the one that’s looking after your interests, to protect your interests, because you’ve got to know that mother may not have the same interests that you do,” said McConkie, who formerly worked with Hardy but now is a manager at LDS Family Services. “You don’t have a legal relationship here. You proceed at your risk.”
As summer wore on, Strickland said he bought groceries and gave cash to Pettersson, who wasn’t working. He accompanied Pettersson to doctor’s visits, although he nearly always stayed in the waiting room with her daughter. The one exception: August 30, the day an ultrasound revealed the baby’s gender: It was a boy.
Strickland felt reassured adoption was out as their discussions turned to baby names and how they’d share parenting.
In October, he gave Pettersson a cashier’s check for nearly $1,000 to cover medical bills. But Strickland said Pettersson put him off when he attempted to accompany her to the last round of doctor visits, claiming she’d already gone or an appointment had been canceled.
In mid-December, Strickland and Pettersson attended a family Christmas party together, then a baby shower Strickland’s older brother hosted for him. A photo taken afterward shows Strickland and Pettersson cuddling on a couch. They went to a movie on Dec. 27. On Dec. 28, after touring Temple Square, Strickland took Pettersson to meet his grandmother and some cousins. Early the next afternoon, Dec. 29, the two exchanged text messages and Strickland asked how Pettersson was feeling.
“Good,” she texted back, using a smiley face emoticon for emphasis. And then she wrote that having sex might help make the baby come sooner.
“LOL, well, that was blunt,” Strickland wrote back.
“Yeah, well, I kept dropping hints every time we hang out, but you are so dumb to them so I thought I would just say it,” she responded, using a smiley face again.
“No I heard you, but I don’t think that would turn out well in the end,” Strickland wrote, apologizing.
His next text message was sent at 2:18 p.m. that afternoon.
“What are you up to?” he asked.
Pettersson didn’t respond. Hours later, she gave birth.
She signed relinquishment papers at 9:45 p.m. on Dec. 30, according to a court filing. Pettersson listed the time of the baby’s birth as 9:18 p.m. on Dec. 29; she’d gone over Utah’s 24-hour waiting period by 27 minutes.
In the same document, Pettersson affirmed the child was born within a marriage. Contrary to what Strickland said she’d told him, Pettersson and her husband had separated but never divorced. And under Utah law, a married woman’s husband is presumed to be the father of her child, regardless of whether that’s factual.
“What the law does is it recognizes marriage as a sacred institution, and the law says if a child is born within a marriage, we don’t care who the father of the child is biologically because we are not going to take a child that was born in a marriage and make the child illegitimate except under extreme circumstances,” McConkie said.
When a married woman pursues adoption, her husband must sign relinquishment papers, too, though he can check an option denying paternity. That’s what Kyle Rathjen, Pettersson’s then-estranged husband, chose to do.
“I asked what would happen if I didn’t sign and the caseworker said I’d be responsible for the child, for Whitney’s medical bills,” Rathjen said. When he objected to the way Strickland was being misled, a caseworker told him to “stay out of it,” said Rathjen, now divorced from Pettersson. “I wasn’t supposed to tell him anything.”
But Rathjen’s conscience bothered him and he sent Strickland copies of the signed papers. Pettersson claimed they’d been forged and, once again, Strickland believed her.
In the days after the baby’s birth, the charade was still on. In text messages Strickland sent to Pettersson between Dec. 30 and Jan. 5, 2011, he continued to ask how she was feeling and about her doctor’s visits. He got the same response each time.
“Good no change,” she wrote on Jan. 3.
“Good still all set for the 12th at 7:30 a.m. right? I can’t wait any more!” replied Strickland, who’d been told the baby would be delivered by C-section on that day.
“Yep,” Pettersson replied.
Finally, on the evening of Jan. 5, Pettersson sent Strickland a text saying she needed to talk to him.
Strickland said Pettersson began that phone call by saying she had some news and he wasn’t going to like it. She informed Strickland she’d given birth on Dec. 29 and placed the baby with an adoptive couple a day later. Strickland said he was so shocked he sank to the floor.
The next day, Strickland initiated a paternity claim.
During a hearing in May, Cory Wall, Strickland’s attorney, laid out Pettersson’s numerous deceptions. Hardy argued Strickland failed to protect his rights under Utah law and, because the child was born to a married mother, lacked standing to bring a paternity action. He also disputed Strickland’s assertion that Pettersson assured him they would parent together.
“Such assertions, however, have no bearing on this matter,” Hardy wrote. “Based on the cited statute, petitioner is presumed to know that Ms. Pettersson might place the child for adoption despite earlier intentions to the contrary.”
But 3rd District Judge Terry Christiansen refused to dismiss Strickland’s petition, calling the situation a “very troubling case.”
“Assuming the text messages are accurate, there is a deliberate attempt by Ms. Pettersson to deceive Mr. Strickland as it relates to the birth of this child,” the judge said. “There were obvious fraud and misrepresentations occurring.”
But, after noting Utah’s strict requirements, the judge said, “No matter what I do, I’m either sanctioning a fraud toward Mr. Strickland or I’m depriving adoptive parents of a child I’m sure they’ve grown to love and appreciate.”
Because the adoptive parents had initiated an adoption proceeding in 2nd District Court, Christiansen asked attorneys — in May and again at a later hearing — to consolidate the cases and figure out which judge should hear them. He put the paternity action on hold.
But nothing happened, and Strickland said he’s unsure why. Strickland admitted in early November he was wearing down. His life was on hold “until I know if I’m going to get my son back,” he said. “I know my chances of winning are slim to none, if they exist at all. They are getting what they want, running me out of money, emotionally.”
On Thanksgiving Day, Strickland and his family learned the adoption had been completed, leaving them bewildered, devastated and contemplating their next move.
“These are small children who are going to grow up to be adults and ask, ‘Why wasn’t I kept with my dad who loved me?’” said Jenny Graham, Strickland’s mother. “Jake is the one who has to look at him in 18 years and say, ‘I wanted you more than anything.’ We’re taking from and destroying one family to create another.”
brooke@sltrib.com
—
Editor’s note
This is the third of four stories examining adoption in the context of unmarried fathers’ rights under Utah law.
—
Taking it public
Each of these fathers has created websites to publicize their cases and raise awareness about Utah’s putative father laws, which you can find here:
Jake Strickland • www.getbabyjackback.com
Cody O’Dea • www.babyselling.com
Robert Manzanares • www.illegaladoption.com
© 2011 The Salt Lake Tribune
Would-be Utah dad says misplaced trust cost him his son
By Brooke Adams
The Salt Lake Tribune

Going Private

The time has come that, I too, feel the need to make our blog private. If you would like to keep reading, please send me your email addresses. I will be making the switch by January 2012. Thanks!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Sixteen

Boston is growing up so fast. He is at such fun and perfect stage. He has the cutest personality and really likes to push my buttons.

He is not gaining weight. 15 month check up 20.2 pounds (not even on the chart)

He is 31 inches long. 50%

He can say tons of words... hi, bye, mama, dada, good girl (a.k.a paisley), thank you, ew, ow, Uh oh ( one of his favorite words), car (another favorite), eye, nose and can point to where they are on his body, touchdown (daddy is proud of this one), cookie, milk, shoe, chug (chuggington)

He loves to wave to people!

He is a MONKEY. He likes to climb on anything and everything. His favorites lately are climbing on the toilet, climbing into the bathtub, standing on his riding toys (we think he may be a stunt man, when he grows up), and the coffee table.

He points and says no no, to mimic us when we tell him no.

He loves to mimic what we do. He is so smart and knows what you are suppose to do with a brush, make up brush, q-tip, curling iron, phone, remote, etc. It's hilarious.

Loves his blankets, but hates to be under the covers.

Loves all cars! He says car all day long. Santa brought lots of cars and trucks for Christmas.

He has 12 teeth, and looks kinda like a hilly billy when he smiles with big gaps from his front teeth to his back molars.

He is such a cuddle bug. He loves to snuggle especially when he gets sleepy.

He is struggling with sleeping in. He only sleeps until 4:30 or 5:00 every morning! That is a bad habit we are trying to break (any and all suggestions welcome)

He loves all balls, footballs, soccer balls, basketballs. This year with the tree up he thought the ornaments were big balls. We had to block him from being able to touch the tree.

He has a cars tree up in his bedroom.

He is somewhat of a picky eater. He likes a lot of foods especially bananas, apples, chicken, broccoli, animal crackers, eggs, cereal, etc, but he doesn't have the attention span to want to seat and eat. Thus, I think is relating to his weight gain problems.

Loves Loves Loves water and ice cubes. He will come from any room in the house if hears the ice machine or water from the refrigator.

Loves to watch Chuggington, Seasame Street and Mickey Mouse club.

Loves to dance. Any music that comes on he stops what he is doing and starts groovin'.

Loves wearing shoes.

Has been in a tantrum throwing mood if he doesn't get his way.

Likes to put lids on things or put things back together. i.e water bottle lid.

I Love My LITTLE man. I am so excited for Christmas and can't wait to see his face light up :)

Chicago-go-go

The last week in October, I had the opportunity to head to Chicago for work. We attended a Corporate Wellness conference. It was a great networking opportunity as well as a great conference. We heard speeches from many companies that are offering corporate wellness programs, as well as great speakers who have done very well in the entrepreneur world. I have learned so much this past year being in management and continue to learn daily how to run a business, be a great leader as well as be a great employee. We got to hear from Bill Rancic (GREAT SPEAKER), GOOGLE, Proctor and Gamble, the winner from the biggest loser season 2, Dr. Rey 90210(more to come about this man), Hewlett Packard and so many more. It's exciting to see what other companies are doing for their wellness program, and to see we are actually keeping up with these big wig wellness programs. I work in the wellness industry and provide coaching to more than 250 clients per month. I have changed HUNDREDS of lives by helping them alter their lifestyle habits. It's the best feeling in the world seeing someone so happy that they have been able to change a significant thing in their life.

This is Jenny, my boss(who I love) and I on the 103rd floor of the Willis Tower, a.k.a the Sears Tower. It is the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. It was pretty crazy to see how big of a city Chicago is and to step out into this glass box that over looks roads, buildings and people.

We went to the Weber Grill restaurant the first night we got to Chicago. Yummy, salmon! A man's dream to have a grill that big.

Uno's first restaurant, known for their Chicago Deep Dish Pizza. It was so cute!

So funny story! Jenny and I had scheduled a shuttle service to and from the airport through a service that partnered with our conference. For our "shuttle" ride back to the airport, they pick us up in a white stretch limo. It was pretty hilarious! We could not stop laughing. It was just the two of us in this huge ol' limo to the airport. It was a pretty fun ride though. We had the most random experiences that happened on this trip!

So at this conference, whoever marketed the conference was super smart in having the conference have 4 different names. The pro of this was targeting different populations in the health and wellness field, which it most definitely did. Medical Tourism was one division of the conference. Well, apparently Dr. Rey 90210, shown above is heavily involved in medical tourism. Jenny and I had ZERO idea who this guy was until he kept talking about himself and how famous he was and we finally googled him. He was a hilarious, blunt, straightforward, colorful character. He was super intriguing yet so disrespectful. Come to find out he is actually LDS. He has some associations to Utah and was in LOVE with Jenny and I when he found out we were from Utah. He seriously would chase us down every time he saw us roaming around the conference. It was the highlight and joke of our whole trip! Thanks Dr.Rey for making us have a great laugh!

The city was so different and awesome from Salt Lake. There were so many high rises, lights, action, entertainment and people going on all the time. I loved and wouldn't mind taking another trip back there.

Next year's conference is already set for South Florida, and we CAN NOT WAIT!

100 Miles

I saw a post on Facebook about someone wanting to run a 100 miles in the month of October. She challenged others to do it and it was the perfect opportunity for me to get my butt back in gear. The last two weeks of September I really slacked on exercising and really needed some BIG motivation. I am so excited to say I accomplished my goal of 100 miles. October was not an easy month to choose to exercise 5-6 times a week, but it really proved to me that if I really have the drive and passion I can accomplish my goals. I had a business trip to Chicago(more to come on that) that was 4 days long, the last week of the month. In order to meet my mileage, I had to run 2 days 5 miles each. That was a challenge, but I succeed. I work with individuals every single day in setting goals and coaching them to strive to change their lifestyle and sometimes I forget to set my own personal goals. This was a great goal to work towards and I can't wait for my next challenge!

Happy Halloweeeeen!

Boston LOVED his first Halloween trick or treating. He Loves to be outside so he was in heaven when he could roam around for a good 30 minutes. I was a bit worried, he wasn't going to be happy about keeping his costume on, but he didn't even notice once I told him we were going outside. I love the stage he is at right now, and love how excited he gets for the little things. I am so excited for the other holidays to spend with Boston and our family.

FALL

I went and took some pictures of Boston at Thanksgiving Point. We accidentally "trespassed" and the security guard started driving towards. Hey, the things you will do for a cute picture with a "good girl," as Boston would call the horse. I just love FALL.

Pumpkin Carving

My little family [LOVE]

We attended Jenny's annual pumpkin party. Every year we get together and have fun fall food, and carve pumpkins. This year Boston was old enough to get excited about the festivities. We didnt' let him carve his pumpkin, but we had this awesome push pin pumpkin decorating kit. He made a cute little tigger, which he loved. He tried to throw the pumpkin down on the ground like it was one of his footballs, so that wasn't too wise.

Josh is the only one that carved a pumpkin and he of course carved a UTES into the pumpkin. He is a little bit obsessed. It's been a tough year to be a utes fan for the football squad.

I love this time of year. I can't wait to take Boston trick or treating this year. We have been practicing opening his bag and saying trick-or-treat. We are still debating if we will be a dinosaur or a monster.

Congratulations

We have had some exciting news with many of our good friends over the past few weeks.

 My bestie Tara and Flip got engaged on her birthday September 22. They are gettting married next Summer.

 Another bestie, Bobbi had her little girl Gracie on October 2nd.

Corey and Dayna, had their little girl 2 1/2 weeks early. Little Audrey.

Congratulations on these exciting life changing moments. We know you will enjoy them just as much we do.

L.O.V.E

I just LOVE him!



Hurricane Boston

Boston is 13 months old.

He makes HUGE messes every day.

His favorite thing to do every morning is take EVERYTHING out of the bathroom drawers and throw it on the floor.

He likes to pull every book off of the shelf.

He is a blanket baby. He will roll around on the ground with his blanket.

He throws lots of fits and when he doesn't get his way, he will get in the ostrich stance. (i.e. head on the ground with feet wider than his hips)

He is a little tyke.

Stats from 1 year check up

Weight 19.6 Pounds (5th percentile)

Height 29 3/4 inches (5th percentile)

Head (10th percentile)

I don't know where he gets his petiteness from.

Loves to give kisses now. He says MUAH as he kisses you.

He can say "hi", "good girl"(to the dog), "mama", "dada," "cookie", "thank you", "muah", "ew", "bye"

He LOVES being outside and going outside. About 15 times a day he will grab your hand and walk towards the front door to go out.

He likes to make a bee line for the bathroom to go grab the dog food and splash in the water when he sees the door is open.

He loves his little four wheeler he got for his birthday.

His favorite toy is a CAT tractor that rumbles and makes noise.

His tricks are: high five, down low, shake, clap, blow kisses, wave bye, give kisses, shakes his head no, points the remote at the tv, picks up the phone and has a "conversation", uses any brush to try to comb his hair, points at everything.

Mimics everything we do.
Loves to push the barstools around the kitchen.
He loves animal crackers, hotdogs, mac and cheese, carrots, strawberries, yogurt, oatmeal, cereal, puffs, and anything we are eating.
He wears size 3 diapers.
He wears 6-12 month clothes still.
Boston wakes up at 5:45 to 6:30 AM every morning and goes to bed at 8:30 PM.

 The daily messes at our house. Dvd's and books pulled off all the shelves.

Daily bathroom look. All of the stuff taken out of all of the drawers.

He loves pushing around anything!!

 My silly monkey!

He loves walking Paisley!! Paisley doesn't love it as much!

Go Utes!

 Josh and I got to go to the first PAC 12 Utah game against Montana State. His Aunt Judy really loves him and gave him tickets to this game and the UCLA game in November. Josh is an avid Utah fan and this made his whole year. We are super excited to see what Utah can do in this division.

GO UTES!



Brighton Lakes

This Summer my mom and I have been hiking every weekend. We have explored many different canyons and trails in beautiful Utah. I have never really hiked the great outdoors, and boy was I missing out. Last Sunday, we went up to Brighton ski resort and hiked the mountain to what is known as the Brighton Lakes.

 The first Lake we came to was Lake Mary. It was definitely worth the hike up the rugged terrain. It was gorgeous! It was so picteresque really. My mom and I were talking and wondering who gets to name lakes? We would have named this glass lake if we got the chance, because there was not a ripple or wave to be found. The next Lake we came upon is Lake Martha, and finally Lake Catherine.

Here is a clasic picture of us hiking. We are nice and sweaty!  

We saw some cool wildlife and flowers on this hike. We saw mule deer, a moose and many squirrel looking things. They were in love with us because we kept giving them a granola bar and they were fighting over it. It was a little scary at times how close they got. I wasn't sure if they were going to attack to try and get food.

If you have explored Utah, I highly recommend it. It's B.E.A.U.tiful!